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What’s so bad about horse meat anyway?


by Conor Scannell

Out of all the shocking things taking place on the planet today ( i.e North Korea’s recent nuclear test) the horse meat scandal is by far the least important. Allow me to tell you a story.

When I was a young bright-eyed child, and not the jaded wreck that I am today, I was fond of an Australian brand of chocolate bar called “Three Wished”. They were taken off the European and North American markets in 2002 because it was found that they contained human skin. I, upon hearing the news, was never so distraught in my entire life. I firmly believe that what you don’t know can’t hurt you and the ulcer in my stomach lining will prove that I am right. I’ll bet that everyone who ate the horse burgers was rather pleased with them and wasn’t able to tell the difference between horse and beef.

The main reason that people are so upset about this is because horses are considered to be beautiful and elegant creatures who beautifully and elegantly portray some beautiful and elegant human characteristics in their beauty and elegance … among other lies, while cows are ugly, smelly disgusting, vile animals and the only productive thing they’ll do in their lives is get killed and be eaten. It’s a simple business arrangement – I’m hungry and he’s made of beef. When you sit down to eat your dinner would you rather have a fat repulsive animal festering on your plate or a beautiful and elegant animal lying on the plate beautifully and elegantly?

The Aintree racecourse in the U.K. has a contract with a licensed slaughterhouse in Yorkshire to deal with the remains of dead Grand National racehorses. This could prove to be a problem as the chemicals used to put these horses down remain in their meat and is undoubtedly harmful to humans, but these horses ran in the Grand National; these horses are upper class and free range. What more could you want?

Horse meat is completely safe. In Mongolia they let no part of that animal go to waste; they eat its meat and they make horse milk wine from … well. And as it turns out horse meat is better for people than beef or pork because it’s so low in cholesterol and fat. In Mexico it is the most commonly consumed because of its low cost.

So essentially the entire controversy is over how the meat we’re actually eating is healthier and cheaper than the meat we thought we were eating.