“Yeah, no.”
Who deserves a reward?
You know, I might have said me aul’ dad. It could have been Mrs Murphy, yer wan who volunteers with St Vincent de Paul. Or I could have insisted that you honour any number of mostly old people who are very nice and have stories to tell of the old days when things were different. People are generally good, it’s true, and most of them deserve recognition for all the unseen and unrewarded things they do. My mother, who I love dearly, cooks and cleans, scrubs and rubs, lifts and drops like Mrs Doyle. Plenty of people I know deserve to be told, “You’re alright!” But I don’t want to ask you to bestow any honours on them if you’ve got only one gong to give away. It’s not fair when they all deserve it. Instead, I want you to honour someone who may not even exist any longer — the man (or woman) who first said in casual conversation, “Yeah, no.”
I say it all the time now. Even Colin Firth, when interviewed on the Actor’s Studio, complained about it. But Colin, Colin, take a step back now. Can’t you see that it’s genius? What other phrase or utterance has managed so succinctly to capture the state of confusion that has invaded our lives, our minds, our very souls? We still haven’t sorted out the whole abortion thing and even the divorce debate is ongoing, even though it’s legal to do it. Nobody knows for certain if Simon Cowell is being serious or if Beyonce can really like yer man she’s married to enough to have a baby with him. What about Lady GaGa? Is she the new Madonna? And then there’s Tracy Emin and Damien Hirst and the bed, the shark and the skull with the diamonds. Yeah, no?
I want to honour the person who first said “Yeah, no” because it’s how things have gone. Should we leave the Euro? Answer: yeah, no. Can there ever be peace in Africa? Answer: yeah, no. Is the Internet the greatest invention since the flush toilet or the very thing that is going to be our collective undoing? Answer: yeah, no. Genius, whoever came up with it. Never before has the human race been so bold, so daring, so knowing, so long-lasting and so bloody gutless.
It’s related to something Larry David said about the phrase “Having said that…” which is a cousin of “Yeah, no”. This is when somebody states their case on a particular matter, has a rethink, feels guilt or is discommoded by some silent, creeping realisation and quickly says, “Having said that…” to try and hedge his bets. “Yeah, no” is similar but it has the added bonus of not really meaning anything at all, which, like Coldplay lyrics, is cool nowadays. Can it be that “Yeah, no” is post-post-modern? Maybe we’re gone to the stage where we can’t even say “Yes, I think that’s post-modern” or “No, it’s definitely not post-modern?” Right now the thing to say is “Yeah, no”. Whoever came up with that deserves that gong. Give it to him – yeah, no?
R.H.