I am the candy gobbler, I eat whatever’s not mine, I’ve caused a lot of disruption, A hazard to dine.   You may think I’m kind, Sweet and innocent, But I’m a deceptive gobbler; I leave without a hint.   So you may trust me, Hail to my name! But when you think it over You’ll realise my game.  ...

Nickelback are a Canadian rock band. Their song from 2001, How You Remind Me, reached No 1 in the Billboard Chart. It was the last song to do this until Viva la Vida, seven years later. Viva la Vida was a song by English band Coldplay. Coldplay’s lead singer Chris Martin is married to actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltrow won an Oscar for her role in Shakespeare in Love. Judi Dench also won an Oscar for her role in the film.  Dench appeared as M in the James Bond franchise, but was replaced by Ralph Fiennes. Fiennes appeared in the major Oscar winner The English Patient. That movie swept the board in 1997 with nine Oscars but was beaten the following year when Titanic won eleven. Titanic was directed by Canadian director James Cameron. He is from Ontario. Another famous person from Ontario is singer Avril Lavigne. Lavigne is married to fellow Canadian Chad Kroeger, who is the lead singer of...

Turas go Port Láirge. Ar an 15ú lá de mhí na Samhna chuaigh grúpa daltaí ón gceathrú bliain go Port Láirge chun taitneamh a bhaint as bheith ag caint as Gaeilge lasmuigh den seomra ranga. Bhailíomar le chéile ag ceathrú chun a hocht ag an scoil. D’fhágamar ag a hocht, nuair a bhí gach duine den 43 dalta i láthair. Bhí an aimsir ceomhar agus an trácht trom ach faoin am a shroicheamar An Trá Mhór ghlan an ceo agus tháinig an ghrian amach. Is é an chéad rud a bhí le déanamh againn ná surfáil. Chuamar go dtí an scoil tonnmharcaíochta Freedom. Chuireamar éadai surfála orainn agus shiúlamar go dtí an trá. Ansan mhínigh na ceannairí dúinn cad a bhí le déanamh. Tar éis tamaill chuamar isteach san fharraige ar feadh uair a’ chloig. Bhí an-spórt againn. D’fhilleamar ar ais go dtí an bus agus d’itheamar ár lón ar an slí chuig Nemeton, is é sin comhlacht teilifíse a bhfuil freagarthacht orthu cláranna spóirt TG4 a dhéanamh – mar shampla Rugbaí Beo. Thaispeáin siad dúinn conas a oibríonn an comhlacht agus chonaiceamar na scannáin, an ‘set’ ina mbíonn na tráchtairí agus na satailítí go leir. Bhí sé an-suimiúil agus thaitin sé go mór linn. Ina dhiaidh seo thánamar abhaile ar an mbus. Bhain gach éinne taitneamh agus tairbhe as an lá, a bhuíochas leis na múinteoirí agus na daoine i Freedom agus Nemeton. Ta súil agam go mbeidh turas eile mar seo eagraithe arís mar is turas luachmhar é. Gavin O’...

In the mornings You make me eggs And rashers, just right Thin ‘n’ crispy, tasty, tasty And a mug of piping hot tea. Then we watch TV: I do impressions to make you laugh; “You should have been a mimic!” You say in fits of giggles. Then the Sunday papers. I watch my feet; They’re resting on your coffee table. I fall asleep....

San Marino is considered to be the oldest continuous country in the world. In 1993 Davide Gualtieri, a former Sammarinese forward for the national team, scored the quickest goal in professional football in a World Cup qualifier against England after eight seconds. England went on to win the game 7-1 but failed to qualify for the World Cup Finals in the United States. Brazil won it for the fourth time, and so are the country to win the World Cup most often, with five titles; Italy come next, with four. They won the 2006 World Cup in an epic game which featured French legend Zinedine Zidane head butting Marco Materazzi. So Zidane got sent off in his very last game for France. Italy’s win was overshadowed by this and a match fixing scandal involving Juventus, AC Milan and Fiorentina. Juventus come from the famous city of Turin, home to Fiat. Fiat recently took control of Detroit-based car company Chrysler. Chrysler was founded by the same man who built the art deco Chrysler Building in New York, which was at one point the tallest building in the world. It was overtaken by the more famous, and arguably uglier, Empire State Building. The Empire State Building is one of the most iconic buildings in America. Both are in the top 10 on the list of America’s Favourite Architecture, compiled by the American Institute of Architects. Another building on this list is the Lincoln Memorial. This honours the sixteenth president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln, before he died, happily received an honorary citizenship to the small, European republic of San...

So, let me ask the question: what exactly is so bad about the recession? It’s a serious question. At the time of writing we have the Cypriots protesting, much to Turkey’s amusement, one might suspect. We have Greeks throwing bricks, furniture and anything else they can get their impoverished hands on. Here in old Eire we remain disgruntled yet docile and even show signs of having forgiven Fianna Fáil (my spell checker tells me the fada is not necessary.) But let’s consider the benefits of this catastrophe we have been thrown into by Seánie Fitzpatrick, Michael “Fingers” Fingleton et al. Firstly, day to day costs have come down in price (mostly.) Now, it is a pity chocolate is going up but, otherwise, we now have more competition between the German shops and our own over-priced ones. As the adverts tell you, vegetables can be bought for as little as twenty or thirty cents – ditto for clothes. Some prices may still be high but now the wool you could sheer off the old sheep yourself and knit for half nothing costs a lot less in the high street shops. However, we have learnt a bit of cop on (temporarily, at the very least.) Secondly, houses aren’t springing up like mushrooms. These days there are stricter regulations on one-offs and sprawling drug estates are not as numerous, though the ones currently around can be sorted easily, so quit complaining. During the Celtic Tiger money was as plentiful as jobs. Hence, on this understanding, ugly, often unpainted houses were built, notably in more rural areas. These were buildings which rivalled their 70s counterparts for the (un)coveted prize of ugliest architecture. If these houses were left unpainted they were nearly always suffocated in brickwork on the façade....

  Aaron McCarthy takes a look at a rather amusing, and surprising short story. Recently Cloud Of Think held a competition to celebrate Seachtain na Gaeilge. We were tasked with identifying the films from which the quotes (which had been translated into Irish) had originated. Fortunately I won and the prize I got was a book of short stories. Now, here’s a little secret: I probably wouldn’t go out and buy a book of short stories. Yet that’s the reason this prize was so great. It was something different and, as it turns out, something incredibly enjoyable. The first short story I’ve read from “Next Stop Hollywood“, edited by Steve Cohen, is a short story written by someone with an incredibly famous literary surname – E. E. King. Like the famous King who writes stories (Stephen King, if you haven’t clued guessed by now), E. E. has that rare ability to produce an entertaining read that flows extremely well, jumps off the page and has a few tricks up its sleeves. Her story is called Dirk Snigby’s Guide to the Afterlife and is an incredibly funny tale featuring a PR rep (we all hate them, right? Wrong! Dirk, as it turns out, is quite the character). Near the start of the story Dirk is called upon by someone who, it transpires, is called Lucifer…that’s right, he’s the devil. Now – in quite an ingenius twist – Lucifer asks Dirk to sell the concept of the different Heavens, because he’s fed up of so many people going to Hell. Therefore Dirk sets out on an odyssey which entails drawing up a five-star rating system for the different Heavens. These ratings are very clever, draw funny references to real-life religions, and act as a gentle breath of fresh...

In 2012 Ray Cooney founded a portal of creative thoughts known as Cloud Of Think. Aaron McCarthy is a  frequent contributor to the Cloud. In January 2013, Aaron published a modern “book-form” adaptation of the Shakespearean play “Macbeth“. Macbeth has been turned into a film many times including an adaptation by Roman Polanski. In 2011 Polanski directed and released the comedy film Carnage. Carnage stars Kate Winslet who got her boobs out for Titanic. In Titanic, Winslet’s character, Rose says, “Look Jack, I’m flying!” The Jack in question was played by Leonardo DiCaprio who recently starred in Django Unchained. Django Unchained was directed by Quentin Tarantino, who also directed the cult classic Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction features a song called Son of a Preacher Man. This song was performed by Stacey Solomon who came third in the 2009 X Factor. The year after Stacey, a boyband placed third in the X Factor. This boyband is known as One Direction. One Direction has five members: Liam Payne; Harry Styles (the one who went out with Taylor Swift); Louis Tomlinson; Zayn Malik and the naturally brown-haired, Irish, Niall Horan. One thing that Niall Horan, according to Twitter, does not want to talk about is his “opinion on GAA”. GAA stands for “Gaeilic Athletic Association” and in 2008 a Cork man was elected as its president. This man’s first name is Christy and he shares the same surname as another famous Corkonian, a teacher and writer known as Ray...

To write a haiku, Is to damage your IQ, Don’t write a haiku.

Dear Thelma On Monday, which we now call ‘1’, Tawny Owl suddenly stood, albeit crouching, and like an Indian chief crossed his forearms over his chest and made a face that only Scott could have matched and said, “I’m going out for a while; don’t eat all the figs.” “Where’s he going?” Browny asked everyone in turn, starting with Cooper. Cooper said he didn’t know; Scott said, “I can’t possibly imagine; no where good anyway,” while Palmer just shrugged, too busy with his hewing. Cooper’s aunt has developed a strange twitch in her eye and now none of us are sure if she’s winking at us, if it’s the twitch or if she’s winking at us at the same time as having the twitch in a kind of coincidence or something. We ate the last of Horace this morning, I mean the last, if you get my meaning. Poor old Horace. He was a faithful friend. How noble, how ardent in his endeavours. He pulled Scott’s sled for the first few weeks and never really complained or asked for anything in return except for a share of the scraps and a summer vacationing home in the Lake District after we got back. Fat chance now. “Damn fine fellow,’ Scott asserted, eating the last of Horace with his molars gnashing, “tender and yet very meaty, all at the same time.” Palmer wanted to know who’d have his beard. “It’s going on the dog,” said Cooper, “just the funniest thing, honestly. Go on, have a look.” It was funny. The dog – who we’ve named Scott’s Dog – looks like Theodore Herzl when he was watching the whole Dreyfus thing, kind of shocked and yet resolved too. The combination of the cold, blue eyes and the...

“BILLY I BET YOU my bottom dollar you ain’t got the guts to nick that ole slingshot from Mr Nickleson’s store, ” exclaimed Otis. “I beg to differ. I could, just my pop’s got business with Mr Nickleson, he owe him 30 Benjamin Franklins so it just wouldn’t be right me stealin’ from Mr Nickleson,” I replied. “Jarvis was right about you Billy, you’re just a chicken…you’re…you’re like a bull in a china shop,” Otis said, as a grin crept across his face. “No I ain’t, I gonna show you I’ll be slicker than snot on a glass doorknob,” I barked. With that I marched up the dirt path towards Mr Nickleson’s store, the only one in our lone village besides the bar of course where my pops spent most of his days gettin’ as drunk as a monkey. My ma and I struggles read bad because pops can’t stay off the sauce, that’s why we owes Mr Nickleson so much money for rent of the land. Mr Nickleson basically owns all of Dayton, our village, located in the sweltering heat of the southern State of Alabama. As I crossed the desolate dirt track composed of signature Alabama red clay and dirt that gave it a dusty auburn look I spots the slingshot with my own two eyes. It was made out of the finest all-American pine wood and carved to perfection as if by a man I heards about called Michelangelo who’s supposed to be real good at carving. It had teh finest elastic string which chould fire stones right across the cotton fields. I stood there looking at it through the dusty window pane for quite some time. I glanced back at Otis who was grinnin’ like a opossum shitting peach seeds....

The phone call came at just after midnight. I answered it on the first ring, sitting in bed reading with the TV on. I heard Walter on the other end but we didn’t have a conversation, not as such. I listened in stunned silence while he berated me for the interview I’d given on Lenny Davis. “I’d just like to disabuse you of this notion you seem to have that I was a coward in the ring. You of all people should know why I lost that fight. You know what it was like for me. Why the hell are you going on TV, and on the Lenny Davis show? I mean of all the lame things you’ve done this one’s earned you first prize.” Walter was on a rant. I didn’t get an opportunity to respond he was talking so fast. Eventually, after what must have been a full five minutes he hung up. I lay there with my book in my lap and the TV on mute. I must have sat like that for the whole night. In the morning I rang Maria. “He said that?” she gasped. “That’s what I’m telling you. He was livid. He said my performance on the TV last night made him seem pusillanimous.” “Look, I didn’t see Davis last night. What exactly did you say? You didn’t mention the Kook did you?” “Of course I didn’t mention the Kook. Do you think I’m crazy?” “Then why is Walt so peeved? You must have said something.” “You know what he’s like, he’s so temperamental. All it takes is the suggestion of a smear. I just happened to say that the welterweight division is for a certain kind of fighter, Walter’s type.” “Well what does that mean, ‘Walter’s...

Lexicography Lexicography is all about words and their meanings but more importantly knowing how and when to use them. The best words are the insightfully chosen ones. Take this quote from William F. Buckley Jnr: “We face a concrete problem in Europe given the tergiversation of Helmut Kohl on the modernising of the remaining nuclear missiles in West Germany.” This demonstrates that the word “tergiversation” meaning “the reversal of one’s opinion; backsliding” is a real one first of all and can apply to real-life situations. When are you ever really going to need the word “arachibutyrophobia”? One I like, which was vaguely familiar to me, is “callow”, an adjective, defined as “Lacking in adult sophistication, experience, perception or judgment.”  Buckley Jnr., William F. The Lexicon: A cornucopia of wonderful words for the inquisitive word lover, Harcourt, 1996. Remembering stuff Remembering things like the order of the cards in a shuffled pack isn’t necessarily considered a required skill by most. But “mental athletes” compete to see who can retain the most information. Besides, remembering things is useful, very useful. For example, waiters and barmen need to remember long lists of orders; students may need to commit whole poems to memory; keeping friends can sometimes be a memory game, as anyone who’s ever forgotten their lover’s birthday will probably know. Skilled memory theory argues that continual, habitual practice can improve memory: K. Anders Ericsson argued that exceptionally talented “memorizers” are made, not born. Michel Siffre lived “beyond time” in a cave, without any of the usual items or routines were rely on and found his memory deteriorated. Eventually he couldn’t remember what happened the day before. Foer, Joshua, Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, Penguin 2011 Primitive man was more talented was...

It was a fine day in late October and in Coláiste Ghobnatan serious business was underway. A dare contest was unfolding between two very different lads. One, Liam “Booter” Lynch, so called because of his GAA exploits, was the cockiest fella this side of the Lee, but was probably the finest corner forward that Naomh Ábán had ever produced. He was playing Junior B at only 15 years of age! The other was a timid wee boyeen called Johnjoe Murphy. Booter, ever the gentleman, let Johnjoe go first. He dared Booter to yell “I’m stupid” at the top of his voice. As you may well imagine Johnjoe didn’t get out much. He was a bit of a nerd. In fact he owned the first ever computer in Ballyvourney. Anyways, after Booter unceremoniously complied with his demand, he laid down an equally idiotic dare. He dared Johnjoe to declare that technology was nothing but a load of bullshit, which Johnjoe didn’t particularly fancy for previously explained reasons, but to preserve his dignity he made the declaration. This type of headbanging was continued by this pair of dodgers, escalating until Booter made the ultimate dare (in Ballyvourney at least). This was to break into Coláiste Íosagáin on Halloween, and spend the night there. Coláiste Íosagáin was a derelict former boarding school that had been defunct for over twenty years and was now dilapidated. The source  its infamous reputation was a rumour that a pupil was beaten to death by one of the brothers in the fifties, and that the boy’s ghost haunted the school. Many others had attempted to spend Halloween night in there, but every time it ended the same way, with a group of terrified teens fleeing the building in the wee hours of...

James Vincent McMorrow is an Irish folk singer, probably best known for his song Higher Love that featured on the LoveFilm advertisement in 2011. His debut album Early in the Morning was released in 2010 and reached 23 in the Irish charts. Early in the Morning is, to say the least, a fantastic album. It is deeply rooted in folk music with its use of loudly plucked acoustic guitars, banjos and a sprinkling of piano to round out the warm, rural album. It is immediately very easy to understand the comparisons to Bon Iver’s Bon Iver from 2011, in their sound and in both having recorded their albums themselves during voluntary seclusion. Regarding the lyrics, McMorrow is a natural storyteller although he dabbles in abstraction in several songs. His clear love of earth is comparable to that of Wordsworth; there’s a poetic quality to many songs on the album. On occasion, his songs slip in to the territory of ballads evoking epic, sweeping tales of nature and its beauty. McMorrow has a voice that is far removed from his aesthetics. The pock-marked bearded Irishman sounds like the love-child of Michael Kiwanuka and the aforementioned Bon Iver. His music has a quality that encourages listening without hearing the lyrics, despite their profundity. It has a raw, emotional tone to it that could bring a Gurkha to tears. The crooning singer wouldn’t be out of place in the American Midwest and his falsetto voice adds a magical feel to the album. For what it lacks in originality, Higher Love is one of the stand-out tracks on the album as it represents one of the more stirring performances as McMorrow wails through the track, bringing his own twist to Steve Winwood’s (1986) single. We Don’t Eat is...

I have a rectangular world It hangs like a sleeping bird I live there, that moment Them girls on the sidewalk, Sachet, sachet. I see you in my mirror. Get in my life. R.H.

Stephen King is an American writer known primarily for his horror stories, which include The Shining. The Shining was made into a film, directed by Stanley Kubrick, and starred Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson also appeared in the 2006 film The Departed. Leonardo DiCaprio starred in The Departed as well. He also appeared in Christopher Nolan’s sci-fi hit Inception alongside an array of actors, including the young up-and-coming Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Gordon-Levitt appeared in The Dark Knight Rises as a young cop, who is revealed in the end to be Robin. This character appears previously in the Batman movies of the 1990s, such as Batman Forever. Batman Forever features Val Kilmer as the Caped Crusader himself but, in 1984, he featured in the 1984 film Top Secret. Top Secret was made by David Zucker, Jim Abrahams and Jerry Zucker. Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker made the famously hilarious Airplane and The Naked Gun, which both featured the late, great Leslie Nielsen. Nielsen’s character in The Naked Gun, Frank Drebin, was parodied in the opening to an episode of Family Guy. Another episode of Family Guy features a spoof of The Shawshank Redemption, an adaptation of a novella called Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption which was written by Stephen...