Ever since Sparrow suggested that I should write this story I’ve wondered where I should begin it. The beginning is a very good place to start but the problem is that, because this is a true story about me and many others, the beginning isn’t so clear-cut. Do I begin with the moment that I was born? or the moment that my mother knew that she was going to give birth to me? What about the moment that the parents of the eldest person in this story knew that he was going to be born? See, the beginning of this story is just like the beginning of the universe: you can’t pinpoint exactly where it starts. You can come up with ideas, like Hawkins did with the Big Bang theory, but there’ll always be the question of what came before. With that said, I think I’ll begin this story with something that happened in the spring-time, two months after my eleventh birthday. School was over for the day. I was walking home, humming the theme-song to one of my favourite videogames. It had been a very interesting day. Mr Fagan had spent all of classtime talking about nothing but trains. I find this interesting because it was so different than the stuff that we normally talked about, like fractions and grammar. I don’t always like people changing the timetable because it makes me feel unprepared but I really liked this change. He knew so much about trains and, if I had had a chance to go to the Model Railway Village after this lecture, I’m sure that I would have been able to tell my foster parents a lot more about its trains than my twin could, despite the fact that it was his...

It all started when our over-heralded star, Philip Maguire, woke up in a imaginary desert. It was the eight time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly angered, Philip Maguire hit a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). He then realized that his beloved Potato was missing!  Immediately he called his undeclared soulmate, Maguire Philip. Philip Maguire had known Maguire Philip for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones.  Maguire Philip was unique. He was easy-going though sometimes a little… abrasive. Philip Maguire called him anyway for the situation was urgent. Maguire Philip picked up to a very mad Philip Maguire. Maguire Philip calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths shudder before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually explosively yawn after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Philip Maguire. Why was Maguire Philip trying to distract Philip Maguire?  Because he had snuck out from Philip Maguire’s with the Potato only three days prior.  It was a curious little Potato… how could he resist? It didn’t take long before Philip Maguire got back to the subject at hand: his Potato. Maguire Philip panicked. Relunctantly, Maguire Philip invited him over, assuring him they’d find the Potato. Philip Maguire grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Maguire Philip realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Potato and he had to do it fast. He figured that if Philip Maguire took the noise-polluting import, it would take at least eight minutes before Philip Maguire would get there.  But if he took the Maserati then Maguire Philip would be ridiculously screwed. Before he could come...

The greatest works of fiction have the innate ability to transcend the age groups. The Harry Potter books were known for being marketed at both kids and adults, PIXAR films have a reputation for making grown men cry (i.e. the ending of Toy Story 3). Joining this rank of universally engaging works is The LEGO movie. A fact that not many people realise is that the LEGO empire almost collapsed in the early noughties. However, they swiftly picked themselves up and they have never looked back. LEGO is the second most popular toy company in the world and its video game adaptations have gained a reputation for “tie-in” video games that are actually good. With its partnership with Warner Bros. LEGO can seem to do no wrong. This is why they took the brave move to turn to movies. Outwardly,  the LEGO movie is a 90 minute long commercial yet while watching it you never seem like you are being marketed at; you are instead having fun. The graphics in the movie are incredible with the whole world built out of LEGO blocks. The producers have taken imaginative steps to convey LEGO waves, explosions and high-action vehicles. It holds that PIXAR-esque charm that draws you in and suspends your disbelief. The plot is fundamentally basic: good guy must stop bad guy. It’s been done millions of times before yet it contains enough twists along the way to keep even the most seasoned of viewers watching. The LEGO movie‘s greatest asset, that which gives it much of its charm, is the cameos: Batman; Superman; Abraham Lincoln; William Shakespeare; Dumbledore; Gandalf. These cameos, and buckets more, play off universally beloved characters and other franchises such as the hilarious moment when the Star Wars lads pay the...

2013 started with a big win for Cork in Pairc Ui Chaoimh when they tore Tipperary to pieces. However, this led to four narrow defeats which gave Cork serious trouble. They had to play Clare in a relegation battle in the Gaelic Grounds in Limerick. The game was a close encounter with no team wanting to give in. Clare started to build a handy lead and at one stage they were seven points ahead. Cork somehow found a burst of energy from nowhere and drew level. The last few minutes were tense with neither side breaking the score line. The game went to extra time. Something had to give and it ended up that Cork had just gone one step too far behind. This game told us that Cork and Clare were out of contention for the Liam McCarthy cup in September but in fact these two teams turn out to be the revelation of the summer. In the first round of the Munster championship Cork met Clare once again. This game proved to be another cracker with the Rebels coming out on top with an unbelievable performance. Two weeks later Cork met Limerick in the final. It was nip and tuck for the first thirty minutes until Cork were reduced to fourteen men. This was a poor decision by the referee which proved very costly in the end for Cork. This left them facing Kilkenny in Thurles in an enthralling match. People thought this was going to be the end of Cork hurling for another year. They were proven completely wrong. Cork came out and blitzed Kilkenny winning by six points in the end. This blew the championship up a notch and Cork stated that they were not going to be beaten too...

What’s so bad about Russia invading Ukraine? So, big bad Vlad is after “Putin” his lads into Ukraine. So what? Ethnically speaking, the area that’s been invaded – where his alleged “Crimeas” have occurred – is Russian. The people speak Russian, dress Russian and are always late and therefore forever Russian. Yeah I know, an invasion is a bit far but it’s not like the USA or the UK never invaded anywhere or interfered to serve their own interests; at least here it’s partly justifiable because the people they’re “invading” are Russian instead of just having lots of oil. I’d say Tony Blair is still digging for WMDs somewhere out by Fallujah. Here we also see the media tell us that Russia is bullying Ukraine and that the Russians are bogeymen. This is inaccurate. Anyone remember the time Fox News faked an Iraqi Scud missile strike in Jerusalem on a green screen? True story. The media portray what they’re told to and not solely the Western view. Two anchors from Russia Today news channel have resigned already in protest, making them Russia Yesterday’s News. We have no real objective view in the media, just two polar opposite propaganda machines fighting each other with fearmongering and old video clips of Red Army exercises. The truth isn’t in the mainstream media; the truth is that part of Ukraine is Russian and that Crimeans should be allowed a democratic vote to assert their identity. Crimea is semi-autonomous anyway so they’re entitled to decide their own future. It is a fallacy to believe the idea of Crimeans cowering in their homes in fear of the Russians as portrayed by the Western media. It is also a fallacy to believe the Russian tales of liberation and freedom from the tyranny...

So, everyone is debating the merits of the Russian invasion of the Crimea. Or, to be more precise, complaining about Putin and his evil soldiers taking over those poor Crimeans and invading the Ukraine. The EU, in typical fashion, does a lot of shouting and reluctantly concludes that it must meet again over it. There are the threats of expelling Russia from the G8. But there is an issue with this – two really, to be honest. The first one relates to the age old decree of “self-determination,” a policy so supported by America over the years. Sometimes the argument is made that a vote should take place before any such moves. While yes, such a move is seen as ideal, the Ukraine is at crisis-point. A large minority feels aggrieved over the exile of Yanukovich, particularly in the Crimea, which feels he was ousted in a coup d’etat. These feelings go deeper, though. These are people who feel alien within their country, like the Catholics in Northern Ireland during the Troubles. There are ethnic Russians who feel discriminated against ever since the break-up of the Soviet Union. This is an issue the men (and Catherine Ashton) in Europe have neglected in all their Putin-bashing. The second main issue relates to the sanctions. This sounds very noble coming from a past-Noble Peace Prize winner, but can it be effective? Short answer no, long answer… also no. You see, Russia doesn’t depend on us to survive. It is a self-sufficient nation, capable of supplying its own wheat, meat, fruit and vegetables… and oil. Let’s us remember the vast resources of oil Russia has – and gas too. In fact, it is one of the biggest exporters of these resources to Europe. It’s all fine and...